Sony Ruins Everybody's Fun And Puts Out The Trailer For 'Spider-Man: Far From Home' Before 'Avengers: Endgame' Is Out

***Spoilers for Avengers: Infinity War ahead***

Now, listen. We’re all adults here. We all have brains. We know all how movies work.

When Peter Parker looked over to Tony Stark post-Thanos snap in ‘Avengers: Infinity War’, and delivered the absolutely heartbreaking (and now iconic) line, “Mr. Stark…I don’t feel so good”, before fading into thin air, a lot of us put two and two together and realized that his death probably wasn’t permanent for a few reasons. One, being: Tom Holland was already over in England filming the ‘Spider-Man: Homecoming’ sequel, ‘Far From Home’ when ‘Infinity War’ hit theaters. Another being the fact that at the end of the day, these are still movies for kids, and they’re not going to just fucking kill Spider-Man. Especially on only his third appearance into the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Oh, and finally, because Sony owns Spider-Man (lending him out to Marvel Studios because they couldn’t get it right in their 32457 attempts this millennium), and Sony ain’t letting their franchise player kick the bucket…ever.

You know what else Sony isn’t letting happen, though? Fun, joy, and my child-like ability to believe.

This morning, they released the trailer for ‘Spider-Man: Far From Home’ months before ‘Avengers: Endgame’ comes out, leaving us with a whole buncha shit spoiled for the long-awaited conclusion to the first decade of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Spider-Man’s alive, Nick Fury’s alive, Happy Hogan’s alive, Aunt May’s alive, Ned’s alive, MJ’s alive, the crowded streets of London suggest everyone else is alive…certainly seems like somebody saved the world and put everything back to where it was pre-snap!

Don’t get me wrong, the flick looks UNREAL – specifically Jake Gyllenhaal as one of my favorite Spidey-villains, Mysterio, who seems to be operating as an ally to Peter Parker against the Elementals (taking Hydro-Man & Molten-Man from comics lore, and possibly adding Sandman to that lineup in this one), at least for now…

…but why put this trailer out now and spoil the fun? ‘Far From Home’ doesn’t even come out til’ July 5th!!!

Don’t ya think if credits hit on ‘Avengers: Endgame’ in April, and they dropped this trailer as one of the post-credit scenes, THAT’d do the trick, marketing-wise? Don’t ya think people would be so jacked up from watching the Earth’s Mightiest Heroes drop that mothafucka Thanos like a sack of bricks, and so relived that our beloved Peter Parker was living to see another day, that we’ve be like, “OMG ANOTHER SPIDER-MAN WE HAVE TO SEE THIS NOOOOOOWWWWWWW!!!”?

I know I would.

All in all, though, pretty sick trailer. I marked out hard for Mysterio, the fishbowl helmet, the Stealth-Spider suit we’ve seen in a few on-set photos, and actually, what got me the most, was Paul Francis Webster and Bob Harris’ O.G. Spidey-theme kicking us in the teeth at the end there. That was awesome. And yeah…even though Sony seems to fuck up everything they touch, and operate as the most incompetent studio on the planet, I’ll be there opening night ’cause them mofos had nothing to do with the making of the movie itself! So get hyped, I guess!

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna try to wipe this trailer – and by association this blog – from my memory. At leat until the night after I’ve seen ‘Endgame’, at least…because IT’S STILL REAL TO ME, DAMMIT!!!